What things give you energy?
“Failure builds character…”
– Adult Who Failed His Students on Purpose
That phrase rings through my head all the time, it’s been 13 years.
I rue the day it was drilled into my mind permanently… sort of.
While I had to navigate issues and ensure my future was secure, even thought I was the child in the situation… this altercation, this power dynamic, this lesson has left me with fuel for the future.
And I’m about to start a grease fire.
Later, when I was 17, I visited a rehabilitation center in Houston, Texas.
A counselor there had shared with me a secret to the universe as I sat mulling at a barren table, tumbling over my new found paths and choices; wondering if I’d be strong enough to pursue them.
He said, “You have to want it more than anything, because at the end of the day, when you have no willpower to continue, the want for the change is the only thing strong enough to keep going…”
He continued, “…almost everyone fails because they rely on their own willpower to see it through. They put their hands in the air when they have nothing left, they feel how tired they are and forget how badly they want it, or else they’d keep going. That’s why want power is greater than will power”
So, that’s my answer: defeat.
My want power if more impactful than my will power, and failure builds character…
This reminder. This mantra. This combination of experiences had enabled me to find fuel even when I’m sobbing, when I’m too angry to see clearly, when I want to give up, or run away, when the fear is too strong.
In the chaos of my feelings, I am able to remember “want power” and suddenly, I can see again, feel again, hear again.
It feels like magic almost, the ability to grasp what felt so out of control once a simple mantra is said, like a spell.
So I’m sharing my magic spell with you, as I promised in the last internet ink I left in this dying web, and I hope it can help you be more authentically you.
It’s definitely helped me.
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xoxo Mona
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